1. Stop the Story

Throughout life we pick up beliefs. Most of the women I encounter have had some kind of belief that "they don't have a good voice" or they "can't write songs." For some there is shame or scars from a time they were told their voice was "bad."

Let's call it what it is: ‘Can't’ is a code word for "I'm afraid." When someone tells me "I can't sing" I hear: "I'm afraid to sing.”

In my own life, I had so many stories to overwrite. As a girl my brother would shut my fingers in the piano and yell in my ears to stop playing. In high school, I tried out for two musicals without getting cast. It wasn't until I began writing my own music that I started to really find my voice. By weaving my words to whatever melodies organically came from inside me, I realized my voice had its own unique sound and with time, I have learned how to work with what I have to express myself musically. 

If you have a voice, you have a voice worth sharing. If you have a human heart, you can write a song. I'm not saying it's easy. Driving a car for the first time wasn't easy, it was probably nerve racking but now it's second nature. With practice singing and songwriting will eventually become second nature as well. 

2. Feel all of your feelings

Feelings don't get nearly enough credit. Feelings are the roots of our well-being and should be treated like precious gems. I realized pretty late in the game that I was never taught HOW to feel and I didn't have anyone to set a good example for me. As a girl, my dad had the expression: "Trying, not crying." which he would say to me any time I had an emotional response. This taught me at an early age to ignore and suppress my feelings which, years later, came to bite me in the butt.

In our culture, it's not uncommon to see people try to deal with their feelings by looking outside themselves, coating what they feel in substances, sex, food, or (insert your favorite vice here). I liked to eat mine. It wasn't until my first yoga retreat that I realized that I was trying to fill a void inside myself with food and started to get in touch with the energy inside of me. I learned that no matter how you try to ignore them, unexpressed feelings don't just evaporate, they actually amplify and create energy blocks inside. I had been so good at not feeling that when it came time to actually try to get in touch with all that swirling energy inside of me, it was hard to find words to express the chaos, but with practice of accepting and honoring your feelings, gets easier.

Here's a practice you can try to get in touch:

Take some quiet space and get honest with yourself. What is REALLY alive inside of you? What feelings have not been felt or taken seriously? What are you avoiding feeling?

3. Prioritize Pleasure

With singing and songwriting, It's easy to get up in our heads and operate in people-pleasing mode, trying to create something other people would like to hear. But let's face it. You 're probably not on my website to find yet another way please people. You are here to learn how to unleash your voice and express something deeper inside you. Instead of using your voice in a way that sounds good, how about practice just letting it FEEL good. This work is really about creating a new relationship to your voice.

I am an advocate for women to discover what truly brings them pleasure and the voice is something women often neglect.

Try this:

Find a quiet space with no one around. Spend 10 minutes experimenting making sounds. Notice what vibrations feel good to make. Can you find a vibration that releases stress?

Does your body like making low sounds or high sounds? Does it like quick notes or long, drawn out notes? Does it feel good to move your tongue or lips? How can you shape your mouth so it feels good? Take note of everything that felt good. This information will come in handy for writing songs!